Pig Sty

Beauty & the Beasts

Takes place a few days after the first episode. Tess's apartment is robbed, and she comes to the guys for help. While they make sure that her apartment is safe, Randy takes the opportunity to steal her diary so that he can find out more about her and what she wants in a man. Everyone except Cal tells Randy he shouldn't have done that. P.J. keeps telling everyone that his dog is named after them so that they will like him.

Iowa vs. New York

Mrs. Thorne, the woman whose cable they were stealing, dies and the guys lose cable. Tess gets a part as Commander Farcus of Planet Shiksod on Star Trek: Voyager (her first speaking part-- gets incinerated moments after touching the planet's surface: ""Don't point that at me, AAIIGGHHHH""). They want Cal to tap into someone else's cable so that they can watch Tess on TV. Iowa wants to get cable legally and is willing to spend his day off waiting for the cableman. The ""cableman"" comes and steals their TV, followed by the real cableman. Iowa goes to buy another TV, and spends $200 on a set that turns out to be their old TV. Also, Cal steals clean underwear (38 Wide BVD) from the laundry room and Jenkins, the person he stole it from, comes looking for it. He is obsessed with finding the thief, and even tries to buy tracking equipment. Cal eventually encounters Jenkins in the laundry room, and taunts him.

Mr. Nice Guy

The apartment next door is being sublet by Laura Filbert, and P.J. gets a crush on her. Cal has his coworker Hanson hire Randy freelance to write copy for the ""CrackerTime Cracker"" ad campaign. P.J. gets advice from Johnny on how to talk to Laura, but is too shy and ends up running away from her. Johnny hits on her instead, and sleeps with her five times that night. P.J. gets mad at Johnny for two days. At work, Cal baits Pike at Philips against each other until they get into a brawl in the conference room. Hanson tells Cal that Randy has some excellent ideas for the campaign, and Cal steals them from Hanson because Randy was supposed to suck and cause Hanson to get fired. It turns out that Hanson set up Cal, and that Randy's work has the ""awful rancid stench of quality.""

Five Cards, No Studs

Facing another dull Friday night, the guys decide to have a poker night. Randy invites Tess, but she is going on a blind date. To show that he isn't weak, Johnny doesn't go to his mother's house for dinner and plays poker with the guys. Tess flees her blind date and shows up to play with them. Iowa's girlfriend Julie calls to remind him that it is their fifth anniversary together, and that they had agreed to either get engaged at this point or break up. Iowa isn't sure what to do, and calls her to tell her that he isn't ready for marriage, but instead ends up setting a wedding date of April 16. While showing Randy pictures of him and Julie, Randy points out that Iowa has a pained expression in all of them. Meanwhile, Johnny's mother has sent a policeman and a priest after him. Iowa calls Julie again to tell her that he isn't ready, and she gives him another week to decide.

The Ghost and Mr. Evans

In order to earn extra money, Tess starts walking dogs, and P.J. helps her because he's excellent with dogs. Cal sees a ghost in the middle of the night, who turns out to be Randy's grandmother. He decides that it's because of the stress of the ""Saltee Pops"" presentation he has been preparing, but when he continues to see the ghost (she even appears on his charts during the presentation), he sees a psychiatrist. It turns out that Cal received a card from his grandmother asking for help a few months ago, and Randy goes with him to visit her at the State of New Jersey Department of Human Services Wilbur Cross Memorial Seniors Facility. Cal finds out that she is a deadhead (which is why her husband left her) and that she wants him to take her to see the Grateful Dead at Madison Square Garden. P.J. has to stop helping Tess because his own dog gets jealous.